~ChapteR 4_Pt.2~

I know, it is my fault to be in this place…I'm sorry mum, dad…for never accepting whatever you try to taught me…I'm a mutinous son…somehow I remember the faces of my mum, my dad, my family…all appear one by one, and faded instantly…I must go on, there's no use to think of the past…I know that I must come back from this place, alive, for those who are waiting for me…

 

For these past few years, I wonder in the darkness of myself, never will to turn into the light world…as I know, the light will consumed me, and it will change me into something that I can never imagined. I afraid, that light will reveal my weakness and incapability to everyone, and I decided to remain here in the dark…even I am alone, I love it here, because the darkness calm me, relaxing me and let me be what I am…

 

But, all of that change…suddenly, and it all of a sudden…I don't know how, and I don't remember why I let such a tiny hole to appear in the dark, and let a tiny ray of light into my life…for the few moments, I stare at the light, adoring it shines…I wonder what the light is, and I'm eager to give it a try…soon I realize, the light is what so called "love", and I accidently let it get near me, starting to bright up my life…

 

And never will I recognize, my life before, which are surrounded by complete darkness has turn into a colorful one…I can see red, I recognize yellow, and I adore blue…then I know, this is what it like to be in the light, too colorful and cheerful, really pumps me up…and the person that brings light into my life, smiling and keep holding my hands, and I can hear she said: "I'm gonna save you from the darkness"…I still remember those words, as it is carved into my mind and heart…

 

But, once again, without me knowing, someone has grab the "light" from my hands…and it become faded, slowly, and slowly until there's nothing left…I don't know why I am standing there and done nothing when I see the light was grabbed away in front of my own eyes…soon I realize, I am back to the darkness of myself again…

 

This time, for this time, I felt like I don't want to stay in the dark…I wanted to get back the light which was mine before…I must do whatever it takes to get back the light, and once again the light will shine up my life…but, I don't know where to start…where am I going to search for it? I found lights, a lot of them but they are not the one that I was looking for…only then I can see, living in the light has make my inner darkness getting thinner, and allowing more light to penetrate it…I don't know, since when that I have several light that accompany me…I'm no longer alone in the dark, as the lights, even tiny, it gives me enough light for me to move forward...they always be with me, wherever I go, and I begin to appreciate them…

 

But, I must find the light that once came into my life and turned my life upside down…I must get out from this darkness…as the small tiny lights will accompany me, I will never surrender to find the way out…I know, my "light" is out there…and I must find it quickly, before the others get their hands onto it…sometimes I feeling down, I give up and I just want to end it…but the small, tiny lights always remind me: "death is not a solution"…thanks to those small tiny lights, I know understand the needed of someone in our life…but I am still afraid of lights, let alone only those small tiny lights to be with me, and the light which I hope to find, very soon…

*TO BE CONCLUDED…*