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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

~CutI~

cuti...semua orang suka bila kita cakap pasal cuti...cuti...best ke?best la pada yang boleh keluar menghabiskan masa melakukan aktiviti-aktiviti yang best pada diorang...pada orang yang takde ape2 macam aku nih??best la kot....bole tido lame2, leh lepak maen game lame2, tenangkan fikiran, buat benda bukan2....

 
 

tak lame da nak cuti raya...bace kat blog kawan2, facebook kawan2...semua happy, siap ada yang kira countdown hari nak balek umah...nak jumpa family tercinta...heks...aku?terasa jugak nak balik umah...nak jugak bercuti dengan family macam orang laen...tapi...

 
 

ini lah dunia aku, tempat yang aku panggil tempat berteduh...aku ada keluarga, dan aku sayang sama mereka...tapi istilah keluarga tidak seindah mana pada aku...keluarga aku tidak macam keluarga orang lain...hal keluarga, itu rahsia...tapi aku, tak pernah terasa hendak pulang ke rumah itu...

 
 

sejak kecil, aku membesar dengan penuh kasih sayang...emak selalu suapkan aku ketika makan dan abah selalu bawa ku berjalan2...itu ketika kecil, sugguh dirindui...aku membesar, menjadi anak remaja dan menjejaki alam persekolahan...pakai ku cukup lengkap, makan ku cukup lengkap, peralatan ku x pernah kurang...betapa kasih nya seorang ayah dan seorang ibu, sanggup berbuat apa sahaja demi anak2 tercinta...

 
 

itu family typical, family yang selalu di tayangkan di layar perak dan telivisyen...family ku berlainan, langsung tak sama...aku membesar dengan pengalama sendiri...keindahan di rumah aku tak rasa macam orang2 lain...aku merantau dari kecil, hidup dalam buangan dan menumpang sana sini...aku punya beratus-ratus ayah dan beribu-ribu emak...aku tak merasa kemesraan kakak-kakak ku sendiri, dan di sebabkan itu di mana saja aku jejakkan kaki, yang tua akan menjadi kakak padaku...biar sebaya, aku hormati mereka ibarat kakak ku sendiri...abang?aku tak berminat pada abang...aku pernah ditipu abangku sehingga pernah timbul niat ingin menamatkan riwayatnya...ya, aku pernah berfikir demikian...

 
 

adakah aku anak yang jahat? ku rasa tidak...aku tak pernah derhaka pada orang tuaku, pada adik beradik ku yang lain...langsung tak terlintas untuk mengabaikan mereka...cuma, keindahan berkeluarga itu tidak pernah aku rasa sendiri dari ahli-ahli keluarga itu, biar sebahagia manapun mereka sekarang ini...bahagianya mereka, aku sentiasa doakan kebahagiaan mereka...aminn~

 
 

dan aku, masih di sini...mencari erti kehidupan...aku penat dengan semua ini...belajar menyeronokkan,dan aku gembira belajar di sini...aku perolehi banyak ilmu dari mereka-mereka yang hebat-hebat dan aku temui lebih ramai adik-adik serta kakak...di sini, di tempat aku berdiri, aku dapat rasakan betapa indahnya keluarga...terasa nikmat disayangi dan juga menyayangi orang lain...aku berasa bahagia, biarpun hatiku dipenuhi kegelapan noda-noda perjalanan hidupku sendiri...

 
 

dan di sini, aku ketemu dengan seseorang...dia berlainan dariku...dia merasakan kasih sayang yang cukup dari kedua-dua orang tuanya...tapi sayang, Allah yang satu lebih menyayangi ibunya lebih dari beliau sayangkan ibunya...dan saat pertemuan itu, aku kenali dia dalam keadaan dia kehilangan tempat pergantungan dan kasih sayang seorang ibu...pertemuan dengannya mencetus persoalan di benak hatiku: kenapakah aku tidak menghargai ibuku seperti dia? kenapakah aku tidak menyayangi ibuku sepertinya?

 
 

dia yang dahulunya seorang yang ceria, bertukar menjadi muram...suram dan kelam, dan hampir tidak mempercayai sesiapapun dalam hidupnya..tapi, alhamdulillah, pertemuan itu telah membuka pintu hatinya dan membuka hatiku untuk saling membantu satu sama lain...kami saling bergantungan, aku perlukan dia dan dia perlukan aku...kami temui jalan kehidupan, dan kami nikmati detik-detik indah bersama...

 
 

aku tak pernah menyesal..biarpun sifatnya sedikit melukakan,aku tak pernah mengendah...aku redha, kerana ini mungkin sekali balasan kepada ku yang pernah melukakan hati ibu-bapaku...tak mengapa, menyedari ini adalah pembalasan dunia atas semua dosa-dosa yang pernah aku buat...aku teruskan...dan sepanjang perkenalan kami, dari saat pertemuan itu sehingga kini, banyak perkara telah berlaku...

 
 

asam garam kehidupan, setiap pertemuan akan berakhir dengan perpisahan...dia temui cahaya yang baru dan aku meredhai pemergiannya...bagiku sudah cukup kesalingbergantungan kami, kerana ku dapat lihat dia sudah mula berdikari dan pandai membawa diri..aku sentiasa mendoakan keselamatan dan kebahagiaanmu sahabat...jaga diri baik-baik, kerana kamu sedia tahu betapa daku sayangkan dirimu...

 
 

perjalanan diteruskan, dan aku kembali ke jalan yang pernah aku lalui dulu...dia telah ketemu cahaya kesukaannya, dan aku pula?entah lah...aku tak pernah mengaggap akan ada manusia akan mengerti akan hidupku, dan aku tak pernah inginkan sesiapa dalam hidupku...tapi, sejak pemergiannya, hidup ku terasa amat kosong...bagai tiada apa-apa yang tinggal...setelah sekian lama, baru aku sedari bahawa hidupku telah dipenuhi bibit-bibit cinta, dan kini bibit-bibit itu dahagakan kasih sayang seorang wanita...

 
 

puasku mencari, tetapi tak pernah terlintas dihati ini untuk memberi ruang kepada sesiapa pun...dan baru ku sedar, selama ini dia seorang yang pernah menyelami lubuk hatiku, mengenali hati budiku. dan dia seorang yang pernah sampai ke hati kecilku, yang tak pernah aku buka kepada sesiapa, biarpun ibu-ibu, ayah-ayah dan sesiapa saja yang pernah ku kenali...

 
 

dan kini, sudah terlambat bagiku...kurasakan perbuatan melepaskannya dulu adalah satu kesilapan, kerana aku kini merana dengan pemergiannya...sudah terlambat bagiku, biarpun puas ku usahakan untuk mendapatkannya kembali...cahaya yang pernah menyinari perjalanan hidupku kini telah hilang, dan aku menjadi takut dengan kegelapan hatiku sendiri...

 
 

sekarang, aku sedang berjalan di jalan yang sama, jalan yang pernah aku lalui beberapa tahun dahulu, dan perjalanan ini aku hentikan,kerana aku sudah tahu apa yang akan ku temui di hujungnya...aku berhenti, mengharapkan aku mengambil jalan yang lain supaya menemui pengakhiran yang jauh lebih baik...tapi sayang, aku telah jauh terlajak dan tak mungkin bagiku berpatah balik semula..

 
 

jadi, di sini, aku hentikan perjalan hidup yang tiada lagi membawa sebarang erti...kepada ibu, sesungguhnya aku selaku anakmu berharap kamu maafkan anakmu ini...buat ayah, jaga ibu sebaik yang mungkin, kerana ku tahu dia amat menyayangi mu lebih dari apapun dan ayah, maafkan juga anak mu yang tak mengenangl budi ini...buat kakak-kakak, abang, adik-adik, sahabat-sahabat, guru-guru, ku pohon ampun dan maaf...andai ketemu lagi di persimpangan yang lain, harap-harap kamu semua maafkan diriku...adakah akan ketemu lagi?mungkin di kehidupan seterusnya, ataupun bila-bila masa, biarlah Allah yang tentukan...

 
 

sehingga berjumpa lagi.........

~LiaR~

Men are liars

We were born to lies

From our father to our grand children

Men always lying

Each time,

Whenever possible

Men will tell their lies.


 

But never get too excited about it

It's normal to lie

Do you think you never lie to me?

All this time,

It's full of lies

And even a simple minded

Retarded person like me can tell


 

Lies

It easy to recognize

Liar

Far more easy to recognize

Why?

Ask yourself

As you simply telling someone

That they are liars

Without any proof

Without any judgment

And you simply came out with

"MEN ARE LIARS"


 

Ask anyone

Were they never made mistakes?

Were they never lies?

You yourself

Living in the life of lies

You being lied to

Then you lied to everyone else

Wasn't that equal?

What goes around come around


 

Take a chance to think

Is what we done to someone good or bad?

We thought it good

But people see it bad

You see it bad to lie

But you yourself always lie

Not only lie to anybody

But you are lying to yourself

To your own damn heart


 

Life is beautiful

Without liars

Hell yeah I am a liar

I lie for the sake of my love towards you

Burn them,

Kill them,

Throw them

Let go all of your memories

With a man

Who is a LIAR


 

Life is beautiful

And pictures are beautiful

Without men in it

I'm sorry

Not MEN

But ME


 


 

~I AM A LIAR~

~AlonE~

Alone

Once again

The word I hate to hear

I hate to apply

I hate to admit

I hate to say

I hate to give

I hate to believe


 

Alone

Why am I alone?

Why just can't I move on with my life?

Why am I stuck with you?

You never want me

You never approve of me

But I never believe that

Because I know you

And I know your heart well


 

Alone

Say that you love me

I really believe that

Keep on holding to that

Even I know my heart

Could never stand the pain

Of being alone


 

Alone

Be alone

I know you need it

You know where you can reach me

As you already know

I never leave you alone

Because I always know

What it's like to be alone

~HolidaY~

Holiday. Comes again. Come and go. Just like winds. It come with full of hope, and gone with full of joy. We await for it, and without us realize it, it already gone. Holiday. A good day to spend with someone we love. With family. With friends. With lovers. With anybody who we see fit. Holiday. For me is a good day to spend for recovery. Yup, recovery. Recover some rest, recover some sleep, recover some strength, and recover some will. I wish holiday never ends.


 

Tired. Both of us tired. You know well how much I've done to get back to you. Not only that, I try my hardest to keep you on track. But you never will realize it. You don't even recognize it. You never want to know about it. I know, I should leave you alone. Long time ago, when you say those words to me. I'm sorry, I never realized that. Now both of us free, as we Malaysians celebrate the National Day, or Independence Day. But I never thought I am free. It just another holiday, come by and go the next morning.


 

That's life going. At least my live is like that. People are easily come and easily go. Come whenever they like, and go whenever I need them the most. For so long, I never opened my heart, myself to anyone too explosively. You are the one, and I really wish you are the one to light up my dark life, bring a shine to a dark soul and ray of hope to a broken soul like me. No one ever knows me behind my mask. I put up a great individual that really draws away people attention to my dark side, which only you the one only knows. Not my parent, not my sister, not my brother, not a teacher, and never will a good friend will know.


 

Lights, where are you? Those small lights I adore. They have a lot of other things to do, but they always care for me. I hate it when I feel like I snatch away their freedom from their live. All of you have been great to me, and I appreciate it. But I cannot live like this anymore. I never tired of chasing my light, but it seems the light never want me to get to her. Now, light ask me to leave her alone.


 

Light oh light. I wish you be there for me. Even you never approve me for being there for you, but you now it well where to find me. I thought I'm your problem solver, but I am your biggest trouble. Well I wish I never trouble you anymore. Good bye Light. You always be the Light in my heart, even I no longer live in a world of light. Our lives are totally different. You are Light, the ray of hope for everyone around you. I shouldn't have to get your ray of hope, because I'm forbidden now. I'm forbidden to get next to you.


 

This time, I really couldn't stand. My heart crumbles and I feel like my life already ruined. Just because of a Light, I feel my emptiness in my heart full of hope. Hope. The words that never has meaning to me anymore. But I still want to hope. Hoping for the day where Light are once again mine. But it never will happen, and both of us know. Just I never will to admit it. It happened long time before, before this holiday come. Just like holiday, you come and go. So this is the time, where I abide goodbye to you Light, and also to the world once I know, the world of light. Just like holiday, I came and now it's time for me to go.


 

Don't worry, I'll go, I'll leave you alone. Not that I will go on with my life, or will I stay on the right path. I'll be wandering around, in my dark world with an empty soul, playing with my own shadow, because I know my shadow are just like me, feel the pain deep down our heart and only shadow, my partner for the eternal life.

*GOODBYE LIGHT… I WISH I COULD SEE YOU AGAIN*

~IncompletE~

Empty spaces

Fill me up with holes

Distant faces

With no place left to go

Without you within me

I can't find no rest

Where I'm going

Is anybody guess


 

I woke up from a dream today…it's 3 o'clock in the morning…quickly grab my phone, thinking that you might be looking for me…but there's none, and I'm getting used to it…tired of waiting I guess…still early, I woke up and find myself a nice warm cloth, cover me up…I sat in front of my computer, looking at everything that might remind me of you…look at your picture on my wallpaper, smiling endlessly make a relieve, too much for a broken soul…for this past few months, that is one of things that keeping me holding on…it been a while huh…I'm getting used to it, day by day…it's ok, as long as I know you out there…I pray that you live happily…


 

Voices, tell me

I should carry on

And I'm swimming

In an ocean all alone

Baby, my baby

I can't stand your tears

You still wonder

If we made a big mistake


 

I go to your page…updated, but I feel very not right…I found that you are trying to tell me something, but I couldn't tell what actually you want to tell me…indirect, and I found it hard to understand…but one thing I realized, you are not happy for the period, the period which I let you go…I never wished I come to be this way, I always pray that you will be happily ever after… and seeing you sad really tears me apart, and your anger become an avenged for me…I wished that I'd be there, and you will share everything with me, but I realized what I'm capable and incapable of…it seems that independency doesn't seem fit to you for the time being…but no worry, I always here to watch your back, so please, be cheerful and live happily…that's all I ask…


 

I tried to go on like

I never knew you

I'm awake

But my world is half asleep

I pray

For this heart to be unbroken

But without you

All I'm going to be is

~INCOMPLETE~

Monday, August 30, 2010

~StaY WitH mE~

Raindrops fall from everywhere

I reached out for you

But you not there

So I stood

Waiting…

In the dark

With your picture

In my hand

Story of a broken heart


 

Stay with me

Don't let me go

Cause I can't be

Without you

Just stay with me

And hold me close

Because I've build my world around you


 

And I don't

Want to know

What's it like without you…

So stay with me

Just stay with me…


 

I'm trying, and hoping

For the day

When my touch is enough

To take the pain away

Cause I've searched

For so long

The answer is clear

We'll be ok

If we don't let it disappear


 

I've searched my heart over

So many, many time

No you and I

It's like no stars

To light the sky at night


 

Our picture hangs out of tune

Remind me of the days

You promised me

We'd always be

And never go away

That's why I need you to stay


 

*So I stay, waiting….in the dark*

Sunday, August 29, 2010

~ObsessioN~

It's early in the morning
And my heart is really lonely
Just thinking about you baby
Got me twisted in the head
And I don't know how to take it
But its driving me so crazy
I don't know if it's right

I'm tossing turning in my bed
It's 5 o'clock in the morning
And I still can't sleep
Thinking about your beauty it makes me weak...
I'm feeling hopeless in my home
I don't know what to do but I think I'm in love

Now I know you're not my lady

I'm just trying to make this right

I don't know what to do

I'm going out of my mind

So baby if u let me

Could I get you to say

Maybe we could ride together

We could do this all night now

I don't care if u got a man

Baby I wish you'd understand

Because I know he can't love u right,

Quite like I can

It's 5 o'clock in the morning
And I still can't sleep
Thinking about your beauty it makes me weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at home
I don't know what to do

But I think I'm in love

Saturday, August 28, 2010

~X-MaS DaY

One step in the dark

Touch her hand

Just to see

If she's all alone again


Still she hasn't seen sun

But I promise you now

When she wakes there will be none

Don't know how she gets by

Sleeps with a phone on her chest

And a bottle that's totally dry


Forgets the day I was born

But if she saw me right now

She would hold me until we both die

And I could be

The one who would die to feel you breathe



I could break

Into a million pieces

So just run as fast as you can

For me

You mean everything

I can't deny her

I'll do whatever

To stop all the bleeding

That makes her world so red

Such a delicate one

She screams so loud that I run to hide from the sound


 

And I could be the one

Who would die

To feel you breathe

But it's too far gone

And this love must die


 

I could be the one who would die to feel you breathe

~BecausE oF YoU~

This is the post specially made to the girl who are too stubborn to listen to someone…this is my "luahan hati" and I wish that you realized it…


 

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh every day of my life

My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with


I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

~I WanT tO SpenD My LifetimE LovinG YoU~

Moon so bright, the night so fine.
Keep your heart here with mine.
Life's a dream we are dreaming.

Race the moon, catch the wind.
Ride the night to the end.
Seize the day, stand up for the light.

I want to spend my lifetime loving you.
If that is all in life I ever do.

Heroes rise, heroes fall.
Rise again, win it all.
In your heart, can't you feel the glory?

Through our joy, through our pain,
We can move worlds again.
Take my hand, dance with me.
Dance with me.

I want to spend my lifetime loving you.
If that is all in life I ever do.
I will want nothing else to see me through.
If I can spend my lifetime loving you.

Though we know we will never come again,
Where there is love, life begins
Over and over again.

Save the night, save the day.
Save the love, come what may.
Love is worth everything we pay.


I will want nothing else to see me through,
If I can spend my lifetime loving you.

~DialoguE~

Member: What's up bro? Long time no see…how's life?


 

Me: Waalaikumsalam…how many time I told you salam would be more appropriate…I'm fine, for now, but life been miserable a bit...haha~


 

Member: Oh no…stop bullshitting…you know that I don't practice religious…miserable? Why?


 

Me: Well…you know…the usual…


 

Member: oh man! Still with that bitches?


 

Me: I don't like you call her that…


 

Member: what's up bro…you can't let her ruin your life would you? Knowing a person like you I know you can get more than that…


 

Me: I don't know man…since I'm seeing her, I felt for her…but I don't know, what is lacking with me…


 

Member: hah! I tell you what…you are not handsome, lack of confidence, stingy, short on temper, short on money and not only short on both, you also short in height!!hahahahahaha~


 

Me: wouldn't you suppose to cheer me up?? damn you…


 

Member: haha…don't get carried away ok…you know me well…i'm just teasing you…you are too straight…easily fell for what people said…still like the old you…


 

Me: I don't know man…habit may die hard…I know I'm not a complete package for a girl…I'm not you…you are handsome, intelligent, smart, rich…no wonder woman never let go of you…


 

Member: hey hey…what's this all about huh? You know it well right? I never fell for those bitches…they came to me…all I do is fucked them and when I get bored, I'll leave…


 

Me: I wonder if I can live like that…but I could really need a girl right now…


 

Member: oh man…just forget that bitch…you know it well right…since our time in middle school…woman only look for 2 things; 1) handsome, and 2) Money…if you have both, you have their world…


 

Me: yeah…i know about that…I'm the one that told you, remember? But as you know, I'm short on both…


 

Member: hey hey…don't get too "feeling" with me ok…


 

Me: it's true…just looks at you…how many women have felt for you, even just a glance…


 

Member:……….you see…I never wanted them, but they wanted me…it wasn't my fault…haha~


 

Me: I wish I could be someone like you…easily get women….


 

Member: hah! You should try it to…it's good for your health you know…


 

Me: what those suppose to mean?


 

Member: cut it out! You know what I mean…but just forget it…you are too good to speak of it…haha~


 

Me: I'm not like you, who has been oversea for years…you are not bounded by the law and regulation…also knowing you, I believe you never practice whatever you know about our religion…


 

Member: haaa…you are the only person can say that…if others, they would be S.F.U already…haha~


 

Me: hey! Tell me…am I not good enough for a woman? I find it hard to satisfy even a single lady; even I treated her nicely, with all my might…


 

Member: hoho…knowing you, I can tell that girl is lucky…it's hard to find a kind dumbass like you…don't be mad, you know I'm just joking…but I tell you man, women don't fell for this shit…


 

Me: explain yourself….


 

Member: well, you know it already don't you? as I tell you before, women only fell for a handsome dude and money inside their pocket…so no matter how good you are, they will not look at you…


 

Me: is being good is bad to them?


 

Member: I don't know man…but it seems it doesn't work like that…as example, you, a person that our teachers and parents always being proud of…and some of the girls calling you their "guardian angel"…but there no one fell for you, because you are too damn good…on the other hand, me, who always been the outcast person in our world…but look at me, women easily fell for me, even I never ask them to…


 

Me: I realized that, but I'm not as good as they say…


 

Member: stop bullshitting…if it wasn't you, I wouldn't be here…and because of that, my life is spared…for them, and for me, you are truly a "guardian angel"…where me, left rotting here, with the label of the bad person in our community…I felt like I am Lucifer, you know…doing all the bad things for all my life…


 

Me: don't say a thing about that again…both of us know what really happen that night…so stop blaming yourself…hey, I've got to go…time for terawih pray…it's isya' already…do you fasting there?


 

Member: nope and never will…but I love to, but it seems I'll do it when I repelled for my sin…haha…chiow my friend…


 

Me: I knew it already…insaf la sahabat, hidup kita tak tentu beb…and I already told you, salam would be more appropriate….assalamualaikum…


 

Member: whatever guardian angel…dia bunyi dah macam arwah mak aku dulu2…wasalam…haha…I spoke it again…


 

Me: you better apply it more often…ok la, I got to go….


 

Member; zzZZzZZz~

~I’m MissinG YoU~

I'm missing you

You know that how much I love you?

When I walked

When I sleep

When I talk

When I eat

When I'm with you


 

I'm missing you

You know that how much I care for you?

When you sad

When you lonely

When you hurt

When you need someone

Whenever you need me


 

I'm missing you

You know that how much I miss you?

When you are not around

When you are out of my sight

When having a good time

When you go anywhere

I'm missing you…

Always~

Friday, August 27, 2010

~LovE LetteR~

You had told me about this made-up pretty view of tulips and some greens with you and me lay side by side listening to each of us heartbeats will end pretty soon. But I never want it to be ended, as I love to lay here side by side with you and listening to your heartbeat, which every beat, I believe is saying your love for me.


 

You should believe you wrote that, because it is actually happening in this real world. The picture indeed vivid, as not only me inside those picture, but is a picture of you as well. Wearing the sweater of mine with the tight jeans, together with your blistering smile is too adorable and it not only as clear in HD, but it is as clear a running water of a lake.


 

I love to stroke up your hair and yes, the smells of your shampoo really give me the moment, something that I can't afford to lose. I love to kiss you on your cheek, because that is where I first kiss you and your forehead, the place that I wish I'd be kissing it for forever. I never care about those pimples that burst out on your face, as I am as well, having the same pimple and I love it when you voluntary helping me get it over my face. Never mention about those boobies my dear, as it is not reason I'm in love with you…I was aiming behind that, which is your heart, and I miss the moment when we lay down together on your huge orange pillow, and we talked a lot of things, not only about how annoying nostril was and how good the food at the Mona's.


 

I also still remember the time, when you called me in the middle of the night while I was having a sweet dream with you. You cried, you scream, you sobbed, and you moan about the world is the place for mean people, or how bad you at managing your financial, and sometimes you telling me how bad you missed me, and you couldn't breathe. And I always there, picking up those calls, and I calm you down. I told you that I always love you, and I always did, and I always be there whenever you need me. It's ok, I'm here, even I hardly live when you are far from me.


 

Yes, you did tell me that this is only for a moment, but I don't want it to be disperse this time. I wanted a longer time to spend with you, and I wished I really had. Both of us know it's hard, and you quote me for being as strong as stallion when the time comes. It's not the time to bid goodbye. You know it, and I know it. Both of us know, that I can't make it alive without you, and I never gonna able to live without you. And you always know that how much I had always loved you. And I quote:

"I never going to be good when the time come. The time when you step out of my life, and you know it very well. I know it sounded silly, but I always wanted you to know that all my life, there are no one who has been able to love me and make me love you more than anything in this world. I will always love you, and I never will leave your side".


 

I know, because I loved you too damn much.

~AkU DaN KaU~

Kau aku aku kau kita berdua kita bersama kau aku aku kau kita berdua langsung tak sama kau aku aku kau kita berdua banyak rahsia kau aku aku kau kita berdua tiada apa kau aku aku kau kita berdua semakin sengsara kau aku aku kau kita bersama menyatu jiwa kau aku aku kau kita berdua memendam rasa kau aku aku kau kita berdua sejarah Cuma kau aku aku kau kita berdua harusnya bagaimana kau aku aku kau kita berdua begini saja…

Kau dan aku

Kita kawan

Kita teman

Kita seiring sejalan

Kita sehaluan

Kita sefahaman


 

Aku dan kau

Kita muda

Kita gembira

Kita bersama

Kita bercanda

Kita bermesra

Kita bahagia


 

Kita berdua

Aku rindu kau

Kau sayang aku

Aku peluk kau

Kau genggam aku

Aku menangis depan kau

Kau ketawa di depan aku

Aku gembira melihat kau

Kau sedih tak berjumpa aku


 

Kau aku aku kau kita berdua tiada beza kau aku aku kau kita berdua berkongsi jiwa kau aku aku kau kita berdua sangat istimewa kau aku aku kau kita berdua tiada penamatnya.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

~BerkecamuK~

I don't know why…lately I seen my old version of me, suffering to come back and once again rule my heart…what is happening to me, I seriously don't know…I wish someone told me what exactly happening with me…

I lost focus,

I lost faith in my own belief,

I lost confidence,

I lost competence,

I lost spirit

I lost everything,

Even the will to live

I want to wake up…please someone wake me up from this dream…my heart crumbles and my mind rebels against my will…these past few weeks have been a tiring one, and I realized that I pushed my brain to work very hard at optimum level, in the worse condition ever…I need to rest, and resting begin to accumulate in my heart…rest, rest, rest, and rest…nothing more but rest…too much rest also tires me…work hard my brain rebels, when resting my body rebels…soon I thought maybe my heart will repel my thought and I soon cannot think straight anymore…so, what is happening to me?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

~WronG~

Dear Prinses Houri…

    I am sorry. I know lately I have been annoying to you. I know I'm wrong, and for that I'm really sorry. Sorry for bothering you and sorry for interfere with your life.

    If could I given the chance, I want to make up all the bad things I've done to you. I know, I am wrong for being the person that always thinks high on me. For all the time, I know I am wrong, and you never been wrong for letting me know that I am wrong all the time.


 

I am wrong

For entering your playground

I am wrong

To push you around

Like a little girl

I am wrong

To let myself tag along


 

All the time

I am sorry

For knocking on the wrong door

Playing on the wrong playground

Landing on the wrong territories

And appear in the wrong heart

I am truthfully sorry…


 

Monday, August 23, 2010

~ChapteR 4_Pt.2~

I know, it is my fault to be in this place…I'm sorry mum, dad…for never accepting whatever you try to taught me…I'm a mutinous son…somehow I remember the faces of my mum, my dad, my family…all appear one by one, and faded instantly…I must go on, there's no use to think of the past…I know that I must come back from this place, alive, for those who are waiting for me…


 

For these past few years, I wonder in the darkness of myself, never will to turn into the light world…as I know, the light will consumed me, and it will change me into something that I can never imagined. I afraid, that light will reveal my weakness and incapability to everyone, and I decided to remain here in the dark…even I am alone, I love it here, because the darkness calm me, relaxing me and let me be what I am…


 

But, all of that change…suddenly, and it all of a sudden…I don't know how, and I don't remember why I let such a tiny hole to appear in the dark, and let a tiny ray of light into my life…for the few moments, I stare at the light, adoring it shines…I wonder what the light is, and I'm eager to give it a try…soon I realize, the light is what so called "love", and I accidently let it get near me, starting to bright up my life…


 

And never will I recognize, my life before, which are surrounded by complete darkness has turn into a colorful one…I can see red, I recognize yellow, and I adore blue…then I know, this is what it like to be in the light, too colorful and cheerful, really pumps me up…and the person that brings light into my life, smiling and keep holding my hands, and I can hear she said: "I'm gonna save you from the darkness"…I still remember those words, as it is carved into my mind and heart…


 

But, once again, without me knowing, someone has grab the "light" from my hands…and it become faded, slowly, and slowly until there's nothing left…I don't know why I am standing there and done nothing when I see the light was grabbed away in front of my own eyes…soon I realize, I am back to the darkness of myself again…


 

This time, for this time, I felt like I don't want to stay in the dark…I wanted to get back the light which was mine before…I must do whatever it takes to get back the light, and once again the light will shine up my life…but, I don't know where to start…where am I going to search for it? I found lights, a lot of them but they are not the one that I was looking for…only then I can see, living in the light has make my inner darkness getting thinner, and allowing more light to penetrate it…I don't know, since when that I have several light that accompany me…I'm no longer alone in the dark, as the lights, even tiny, it gives me enough light for me to move forward...they always be with me, wherever I go, and I begin to appreciate them…


 

But, I must find the light that once came into my life and turned my life upside down…I must get out from this darkness…as the small tiny lights will accompany me, I will never surrender to find the way out…I know, my "light" is out there…and I must find it quickly, before the others get their hands onto it…sometimes I feeling down, I give up and I just want to end it…but the small, tiny lights always remind me: "death is not a solution"…thanks to those small tiny lights, I know understand the needed of someone in our life…but I am still afraid of lights, let alone only those small tiny lights to be with me, and the light which I hope to find, very soon…

*TO BE CONCLUDED…*

~ChapteR 4_Pt. 1~

This is the chapter of my life

The 4th chapter

The 1st was about how

I get into this world

The 2nd is about my childhood

The 3rd,

All about my teenage years

And this is it

The 4th chapter….


 

I'm waiting in the dark…I'm standing by the walls…there's no one here…it's sorrow, dark and silent…there is nothing, but a complete darkness…I can't even tell how am I look like…how my face, how my nose, my ears, eyes, hair, beard…I wonder if I still have those…my hand, I can feel my hand…my legs, thank Allah for it's still there…so I guess I am still in complete condition, regardless how deep I'm fall…


 

How long has it been…to be fall into the dark, with no one capable of saving me…I wonder, if the dark is the eternal life? If there are any others that trapped deep down here, in the darkness same as me? Lots of questions come into my mind…I wish I had someone to ask to…wondering in the dark, alone, really tires me…the emptiness blinds me and the nothingness stab me in the heart…soon I realize, live in the dark is not as good as I imagined…

~CunninG~

We take sour sips from life's lush lips
And we shake, shake, shake the hips in relationships
Stomp out this disaster town
You'll put your eyes to the sun and say, "I know
you're only blinding to keep back what the clouds are hiding."


And we might've started singing just a little soon
We're throwing stones at a glass moon*

Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning, whoa-oh

We keep the beat with your blistered feet
And we bullet the words at the mockingbirds singing
Slept through the weekend and dreaming
Of sinking with the melody of the cliffs of eternity
Got postcards from my former selves saying: "How've you been?"

We might've said goodbyes just a little soon
(Stomp out this disaster town)
Robbing lips, kissing banks under this moon

Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning
Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning, ohh…

It was ice cream headaches and sweet avalanche
When the pearls in our shells got up to dance
You call me a bad tipper of the cradle
Tired yawns for fawns on hunter's lawns
We're the has-beens of husbands
Sharpening the knives of young wives
Take two years and call me when you're better
Take teardrops of mine, find yourself wetter


 

This is the song Carpal Tunnel of Love by Fall Out Boy….really love this song~


 

~WalK~

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone


 

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Until then I walk alone


 

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone


 

This is the song Boulevard of Broken Dreams by the group I adore, Greenday…..


 

This day, the day before, the day after, and the day after on…I always walk on this road…I thought that you are always by my side, but it seems that I was all alone all the time…maybe it just a shadow of yours or it is my imagination…I got confused, and easily get tortured by my own imagination…as the days goes, I walked on this road, lonely and wishing that someday somehow someone will accompany me…

This day, as I walked this road, I see you through the window…you had a happy time and happy life…it's good to see you smiling…even it is a fake one, it is still a smile, and I appreciate whoever that can bring those smile back at you…I wish it was me, but I was wrong all along…keep smiling babe…that's your nature and true self…no need to fake it…show the world that your day is the greatest with your smile…no matter how shit things are, always smiling…

Me? Oh yes…I wanted you to smile sincerely, without thinking am I able to smile or not…don't worry, I am smiling, whenever you are smiling…I am your shadow, so whenever you sad it tears my heart apart…as a shadow, I always by your side, but with no action and nothing I can do, but just follow you wherever you will go…

Today, I walked this road again, and I can see you smile once again…I may be not understand you well, but I know you well…keep on smiling babe, it's good for you…as now, as I'm walking down this road, I can see myself drowning bits by bits…I know, my time is just around the corner, and I wish I could spent the very last of it with you…but, seems that you are having a good time, I don't want to bothering you, and I decided to spent it alone…

Today, as I walked this road, I hardly see the end of it…but it is certain, that the door of light will welcome me into the world of darkness, where the broken heart are the conqueror of their own fear

Sunday, August 22, 2010

~CrazY~

Crazy

Hell yeah I'm crazy

Whenever people had problems

They always run for their mom

Or father

Or siblings

Relatives

Sometimes best friend

Best

In terms of hearing and sharing the feeling


 

Crazy

Hell yeah I'm crazy

I'm in the middle of a problem

Who cares?

I never intend to bother my mom

For my own problems

I wish she never know

Tell my dad??

I'm far craziest to tell him

Whatever I'm facing right now


 

Crazy

Hell yeah I'm crazy

I'm crazy for you

But you never see

You never realize

And you never care

No matter how much

I care for you

I loved you

It doesn't matter

Because I'm just

A piece of trash in your eyes


 

Crazy

Hell yeah I am

To think I done this much

I am crazy

For letting myself wait

For something that never will happen

Am I crazy?

You the one that observed

And you the 1 that decide

Saturday, August 21, 2010

~AgaiN~

You done it again

And once again you've done it

Where am i?

In the sky?

Or lay on the ground?

Or deep down in the sea?

Drowning

In my own faith with you


 

You done it again

Walk over the wall

Leaving no traces behind

Leaving me all alone

With a tonne of cries

Without hesitate

Without desperate

You left me

Just like a bird

Left it nest


 

You done it

Again

And once again

One more another time

Another more in the future

And more and more

For the rest of my life


 

Again

I'm sorry

I'm not a strong person

I always need you

To be there

Whenever I need you

But I failed

To be there

Whenever you need me

And I know

You hate to be there for me

I'm sorry

Because I am just

What I mean to be


 

Once again

I'm sorry

I not gonna mingle2

In your matter anymore

Sorry for be a burden

To you

And everyone else


 

Again

For the last time

Let me be at peace

With the conscience I need

And sorry

For bothering

Again….

~Where’d YoU gO~

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

She said:
Some days I feel like shit
Some days I wanna quit
And just be normal for a bit

I want to be free


 

I don't understand why

You have to always be gone
I get along but the trips

Always feel so long
And
I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always

Helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot

Working my day around the call
But when I pick up

I don't have much to say
So
I want you to know

It's a little fucked up

That I'm stuck here waiting
At times debating

For you to return back

~UnbreaK mY HearT~

Unbreak my heart

Say you love me again

Undo this hurt

That you caused

When you walk out the door

And walked out of my life

Uncry these tears

I cry so many nights

Unbreak my heart~


 

This is the song from in famous Toni Braxton…

Really love this song

It kinda stuck in my mind…

Heks….


 

I was looking for her

I wonder where she is

For the time I need her the most

She is outside there

I know

And that's why I keep on waiting


 

Babe

Where have you been?

It's been a few

Since the last time

I heard from you

I really want to know

How were you this past few days

And since that

Not a single word


 

I need you

To unbreak my heart

I need you

To uncry my tears

And I need you

To undo the pain……

Friday, August 20, 2010

~SwaY~

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that's what you've come to be
It feels as though we've made amends
Like we found a way eventually

It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

I look at you and see a friend
I hope that's what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began?
Have you finally forgiven me?

You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away
And then tricked them back into me
You saved me I was almost dead

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

~In NeeD~

Oh Prinses Houri

Where are you right now…

I really do need you

Help me from this misery

Only you

Can bring me back

Huhu~

~JammeD~

Seperti mana tulisan

Begitu jua lah kepala ku sekarang nih…

Otak jammed

Kepala pusing

Pening2

Rase nak muntah

Penat and lelah

Dengan semua2 masalah


 

Dalam condition yang macam ni

Nak wat pape keje pon x boleh

Asyik tau nak tido jek

Tapi kalo tido xleh wat keje

Tapi beza ke kalo x tido

Dengan pening n jammed yang semacam ini

Same jek kejje x jalan….


 

Adiosss~

Mau tenangkan fikiran…

Huhu~