~BeinG mE~

Being me…that's right…what so special of being me?? I'm just an ordinary guy…I woke up in the morning, done my prayers, stared outside the window and wish I had another great day…normal person, like any other else, wearing a mask that hide thousand reason of being me…

Being me? A lot…it is not describable by words…too many too speak of…I am nothing but I am many things…unpredictable, yet easy to read….easy to taunt, but not easy to conquer…there is a lot and there is none…I am thousand in a million yet I am millions of one…

You know, that is how being me…day by day I lived by wearing a mask that hide my true self…people see me every day, get in contact with me, approach me, leave me….all with the same thoughts, how great I am whenever I'm wearing the mask...people see me as a good friend, as a good listener, as a good advisor, a good person, who willing to do anything for the sake of his friends…I am the one that value friendship, that value the honor of being a great man, such things they said…

In fact, all of that is something that I want them to see from the mask, so that there will be no one would care to reveal the true self of me…I live in the bed of love from all of people around me, not afraid of being justified by them…I am jack of all trades, yet I am master at nothing…people see I'm good…really good they say….but that only on the outside…I approach people only with a purpose: get whatever I want, take whatever I can, and once I'm finish, I walk away…I live with the purpose of using others who appear in my life…

But that's the reality of life…we seldom said that we are human, live by a relationship, and we must value the relation….but once things gone bad, they turned their back on you….there is no longer friendship, no longer family, no longer siblings, there are no longer love accept hate…we are too civilized to accept some mistakes and forgive it…I by any chance, really good at adaptation, and persuasion…whenever I step my foot, I adapt quick, learn fast and blend well with surroundings…I learn in life how to forgive, but not to forget…we must not forget kind things people done to us, but at the same time we also never forget bad things people had done toward us…

I am forgiven…I forgive people easily, as live my life with ideology that I don't believe in anyone…I don't trust anyone, and I already know there is time people will stabbed me from the back, and people around me tends to turned their back on me…that's why I forgive them…it's not because I'm good person, it just because I pity them, pity the human being for being such a loser…people never accept their fault…whenever things doesn't go their way, they simply point their finger to others…I've been betrayed so many times, and I end up never put my trust on anyone…

For the first time, in my life, I wanted to put my trust on someone…someone that I think can be the savior from my deepest emptiness and loneliness…I'm alone even a lot are surrounding me, and I feel empty even there are full to be fill of….but being me, I don't easily accept people in my life and never will I put my trust on anyone…and for once, I gave someone my trust, and it end up being snatched away from me…

You see, for the rest of my time living, I always wanted to be someone that can be depend on, be the one that can people rely on, put their trust on and be the one that people can admit as someone that they can put their trust on...i know, I've done many bad things, and I am trying to repent….but not this time, as I enjoyed being me…