bosan x???

sgt2 bosan.....ape ptt kte buat ek.....

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

Dinner yg jarang2 bole dpt...huhu...

Today is a rainy day…as I posted this, it is already 10.55 p.m Malaysia time…the rain has been falling since 4 p.m….not much could do when it is raining, except having a good nap…but, I really do enjoy watching rain….rainy day bring back memories and sometimes I smile alone thinking about things I done in the past….

Well, today I read her blog, just like every day I do, just to know what happening with her…well you see, I'm not a stalker, and I got no other way to know about her, since she refuses to reply to any text message I sent to her and don't ever will she to pick up my call…so I think through her blog, I can get to know about her recent condition and what really happenings with her daily life…

I know, things are not go easy as the way I would wish it to become to, and I believe neither do she wishing the same…and I know, both of us never wanted thing to be this way and none of us even make it worst…you know, it hurts when the person you care the most is outside of your reach, and most of the time whenever you trying to reach them, they refused to…that is what happening between both of us in the recent time….

It hurts, and it tears my heart apart whenever I read her blog, as she tells how much she having a bad day…I wish I would be there, together with her to help her to face every bad things that happened in her life…and it tears me apart, whenever she preferred to look for her buddies instead of me to spend her time with and share her story…. I know, she got the freedom to choose to hang out with whom but I, on the other hand always feeling guilty to do so…

You see, when you are in love, you will never find it amusing to hang out with someone else, as compared to your beloved ones…and now, when she no longer pick me, I feel really lost and I emptiness started to shadowing my life…I got chased by my own thoughts and my own memories…I find it hard to do anything without her and I find it impossible for me to go on without her around…. I'm weak, I really do need her support and it killing me inside when she, unintentionally spent her time with her friends, neglecting me and ignore me, and try to stay away as far as she can….

Sometimes, I just keep it deep down in my heart, as I know what she will respond to whenever I brought this up… I just wish she had a great happy life, even I need to sacrifice my own freedom and my own happiness…I just want to see her happy and I couldn't wish more…even if she need to hang out with some other guys, it's ok with me even deep down I blame myself for the reason why she never pick me, instead of her new friends…..I know, she blame herself for doing whatever she had done, and I already forgive her for doing so…

I hope, if she ever read this, I just want her to know that until today, I never lose my faith towards her…I know, I have done a lot of bad things to her along our relationship and I am trying to repent for whatever I have done…I know, it's hard to believe, but in my present case, I just wish you consider, and think carefully….what am I to you and what exactly me to you…I can never get through this without you and I really do need you in my life…I know, I'm no longer the one that you can rely on to hear you story, to share your problems and I am no longer the one that can bring you happiness…I know of my capabilities and incapability, and I know how much you hate I'm saying this but…I need you to know, that I really do love you, and I never let go...

p/s: you know how much I hate the idea of "finding someone else", because you already know that I really hate the idea of playing around with someone hearts for the sake of seeking for some relieve and happiness when you do such things to me….and you do realized how much I hate to break peoples heart, as I know how much it hurts…

What's your favorite video game?

nanyak sgt game nye kalo nk list kan, sbb smua game best....tp most of the time, byk spend time kat DotA...haha....sronok2....smua game pon best, kalo enjoy maen~ =)

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

anda rasa kebosanan x??

sgt2 bosan~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

~TrusT~

Trust…word that never been good to me…I used to trust people, but I ended up being betrayed…so many times, I am tired of counting the number of people I can trust and betrayal I'm facing…for a long time, I've been living not to put my trust in anyone…

For once, after a long time, I wanted to put my trust into someone…but sadly, she turned out to betray me as well…all the trust I put in her gone, just like the wind, leave without traces…I am sad, after for a long time I don't feel the betrayal now it right knocking on my nose…

You know, I always thought that I was the one…the only one that you can depend on, the one that you can rely on, and the one that you can trust the most…for once, I wanted to take off my mask and show you the real me…but, sadly, I don't even managed to show you what hiding behind the mask, you simply walk away…I fell so ashamed, I thought I was special, but I am not…I'm just another guy…

You always said I failed to understand you…well because you the same as me, both are wearing the mask…but there are different honey, when you choose to wear the mask and when you born to wear it….you are not the same as me, you choose to wear the mask to hide your true self, but I am living with the burden to bear with wearing it…for some time, I just feel like I'm letting go with all this mask thing and be true to you…

But, you never wanted me to…you wanted me to stay behind the mask…and I obey, as I blindly fall in love with you…and I trust you, for I believe you are my savior, who will be the one that will save me from the darkness of being me….once again, I put my trust on you and again….you break it just like that….over and over again, until there is nothing left…that is the value of my trust, simply like a trash to you…

~BeinG mE~

Being me…that's right…what so special of being me?? I'm just an ordinary guy…I woke up in the morning, done my prayers, stared outside the window and wish I had another great day…normal person, like any other else, wearing a mask that hide thousand reason of being me…

Being me? A lot…it is not describable by words…too many too speak of…I am nothing but I am many things…unpredictable, yet easy to read….easy to taunt, but not easy to conquer…there is a lot and there is none…I am thousand in a million yet I am millions of one…

You know, that is how being me…day by day I lived by wearing a mask that hide my true self…people see me every day, get in contact with me, approach me, leave me….all with the same thoughts, how great I am whenever I'm wearing the mask...people see me as a good friend, as a good listener, as a good advisor, a good person, who willing to do anything for the sake of his friends…I am the one that value friendship, that value the honor of being a great man, such things they said…

In fact, all of that is something that I want them to see from the mask, so that there will be no one would care to reveal the true self of me…I live in the bed of love from all of people around me, not afraid of being justified by them…I am jack of all trades, yet I am master at nothing…people see I'm good…really good they say….but that only on the outside…I approach people only with a purpose: get whatever I want, take whatever I can, and once I'm finish, I walk away…I live with the purpose of using others who appear in my life…

But that's the reality of life…we seldom said that we are human, live by a relationship, and we must value the relation….but once things gone bad, they turned their back on you….there is no longer friendship, no longer family, no longer siblings, there are no longer love accept hate…we are too civilized to accept some mistakes and forgive it…I by any chance, really good at adaptation, and persuasion…whenever I step my foot, I adapt quick, learn fast and blend well with surroundings…I learn in life how to forgive, but not to forget…we must not forget kind things people done to us, but at the same time we also never forget bad things people had done toward us…

I am forgiven…I forgive people easily, as live my life with ideology that I don't believe in anyone…I don't trust anyone, and I already know there is time people will stabbed me from the back, and people around me tends to turned their back on me…that's why I forgive them…it's not because I'm good person, it just because I pity them, pity the human being for being such a loser…people never accept their fault…whenever things doesn't go their way, they simply point their finger to others…I've been betrayed so many times, and I end up never put my trust on anyone…

For the first time, in my life, I wanted to put my trust on someone…someone that I think can be the savior from my deepest emptiness and loneliness…I'm alone even a lot are surrounding me, and I feel empty even there are full to be fill of….but being me, I don't easily accept people in my life and never will I put my trust on anyone…and for once, I gave someone my trust, and it end up being snatched away from me…

You see, for the rest of my time living, I always wanted to be someone that can be depend on, be the one that can people rely on, put their trust on and be the one that people can admit as someone that they can put their trust on...i know, I've done many bad things, and I am trying to repent….but not this time, as I enjoyed being me…

Have you ever feel being cheated by the person you loved the most??

Have you ever wonder why they do it, what are their reason and most importantly, why you?? Why you are the one that they choose to cheat, even though they know by doing that they actually hurts your feeling…

I don't know, lately I find myself getting used to it…every time we had a talk, I automatically set my mind that she actually lying to me, even though sometime whatever she said is the truth…well, I guess that the impact of telling lies…you spoil the faith I put on you and you disregard the believe I set on you…you broke the oath and you easily fail to keep telling the truth….i wonder, for what actually people tell lies…

Do lies help you to escape?? Do you lie just to keep me from any harm caused by the truth you try to keep under the rug?? Or do you ever think that by lying, you will be able to keep me smiling, and let things goes without saying a word??

NO NO NO….that will never happen, as you already know I never tolerate with people who tell lies…I don't know, you may have your own reason for lying to me, but I can tell you, for all the time we know each other, I never hide anything from you, at the beginning, I admit I also lies toward you, and I'm sorry, because you already know, that I NEVER BELIEVE ANYONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE….

For once, I has been able to put my trust and faith towards someone, and now you just simply take it away…walk away girl, turn around….you can run or hide from me, as I will always forgive you for whatever you have done, and I promised, I won't chased you, but remember, whenever lies you make, each of it will contain a bit of my wrath…you know it well, what will happen when I found out a lie, and both of us know to what extend I might react towards it…so be careful, I'm not warning you, but just reminding you how I hate people to tell lie, even when they are desperately to…

ape perlu kita buat klu tgh tension?

kalo sy, g tgk laot.....xpun men game n dgr lagu kuat2....tp plg berkesan bg sy adelah tidur....hehe~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

bpe jam kamoo mengahdap lptop kamoo setiap ari?

haha.....sehari ada 24 jam....8 jam total untuk saya tidur(tidur siang n tidur malam), 8 jam untuk ke kls@aktiviti luar, 3 jam total untuk makan, so balance tu ade depan laptop..ngeh2....(ade la lebih kurang 5 jam...huhu)

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What's your favorite type of flower?

daffodil~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What do you think about formspring.me so far?

it's fun...

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What's your biggest phobia?

i'm afraid of losing someone that i loved and care the most....

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What was the happiest moment in your life?

the happiest moment in my life is whenever i'm feeling happy...

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What's the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

let me fall in love with her.. =)

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What's your favorite drink?

neslo ice~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What's your favorite sport?

i am jack of all trades, but master at nothing... =)

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

ape awak suka?

saya suka makan....pastu saya suka tidur n of kos saya suka perempuan~ =)

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

anda sgt mnjwab soklan! da layak dah nk jd doc luv ni..hehe..neway tenkiuu!

haaa...ini bukan soalan, tp rase hepi dpt membantu...if ade pape lg tye je la yep....eden x kisah punyo~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

apa anda akan buat klu psgn anda tipu anda kaw2 pnya?

haha~soalan anda ini sgt ganas...xde mukaddimah da....kalau dia tipu kaw2 yeh....ade 3 bnda bole buat:
kalau niat jahat: tipu la dia semula...
kalau niat ade sikit jahat: maafkan dia tapi not that easy....
kalau niat terlalu baik: maafkan dia, and have faith...

pilih la mane2 yg sesuai...tp kalau saye la kan, sy akan cuba cari punca kenapa dia menipu sy and then try cari jalan penyelesaian terbaik...x semua org perfect n tipu sgt kalau seseorg xde sebarang masalah....dia menipu, maybe ada masalah dia yg dia mybe x brani nk kongsi...so cari jalan terbaik, menjalinkan hubungan memerlukan komitmen yang sgt tggi, kalau xde komitmen, lebih baik pasangan anda di pukul kuat2 oleh anda dan tgglkan saje beliau d tepi jalan.... =)

adakah sy menjawab persoalan anda??

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

result ok ke?^^

x ok pon....tp kalo dr segi lulus gagal tu da kira ok laa...huhu~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

What music are you listening to today?

eminem ft rihanna - love the way you lies

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

ape terjadi kalau bintang dan bulan hilang pada waktu malam??

hari mendung, nak hujan~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

~WheN YoU LovE mE, WheN YoU LovE mE NoT~

When you love me, I am your everything…. i am the one, and I am the only one…

But when you love me not, I'm no longer the one, no longer the one for your everything, and I'm no one to you….

 

When you love me, I am your guardian angel….whenever you in problem, you will find me…you will reach me in any manner possible just to let me know about you….

But now, when you love me not, there are no longer me as your guardian angel… I don't hear anything from you,, and you even asked somebody else to help you even I am available and capable of lending you a hand…

 

When you love me, most every time we spend to texting and chat with each other…if credits are not available, we chat through IM and emails…

Now, when you love me not, I hardly got any message from you….sometimes I text you to know your present condition but you just as silent as the night…no words, no news and nothing…not a reply and return back call….

 

When you love me, you enjoyed every time we hang out together….

But when you love me not, every time we date you always want to get home early…you asking me to be fast so that you won't return home late…that's find with me, but it tears my heart apart when you demand to get home early, just to not disappoint some guy friends of you from waiting…

 

Mention about waiting, when you love me, you can wait and tolerate if I am just late for <5 minutes….if I take longer than that, you will sulk with me and I enjoy the effort of mine in cool you down…

When you love me not, you not only wait for me, you even angrier than ever, regardless if I am late or early…it seems like when it comes to me, no matter you waited or not, I will get to face your wrath…

 

When you love me, you used to care for me….you make sure I eat my dinner and you make sure I take my medication until I heal perfectly….

But now, as I said, when you love me not, you don't even asked me anything…you no longer care of my feelings and sometimes, when I try to concern about you, you chased me away…

 

When you love me, everything I'm down, you are the one that rise me up…whenever I'm about to drown, you always be the one to resuscitate me….

When you love me not, whenever I need you, you always not there…when I finally found you, you always trying to escape…it sad when I realized you weren't there for me, but you where somewhere else for someone else…

 

When you love me, I feel like the world is mine…

But when you love me not, I feel the world around me crumbles…

 

When you love me, you really do love me…

When you love me not, I don't know if you still love me or you just keeping me as company just to be your fail safe plan..

 

(T__T)

anda suka melantak ape??

melantak makanan...by means makanan, ape je yg boleh d makan,selagi halal..ngeh3~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

anda xsuka makan ker??

x suka....sy suka melahap jek~x pun mentekedarah~ =)

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

testing2..ehem3..dalam byk2 hari, hari ape yg paling bosan...

testing3~dlm byk2 hari, hari ape yg plg bosan.....hari yg plg bosan ialah hari yg xtau nk buat ape,xleh nk buat ape n x dpt buat pape...huhu~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

awak kenal saya? haha! =p

kenal~kot....haha~

Tanyo lah papo pon...eden tak kesah punyo~

~BirthdaY PresenT~

waahhh.....this is the present(the one and only) present i get for my birthday this year.....i never expect to get something this special....very touched by the gift.....in time people seem don't know my birthday, there are few who really concern....love it and appreciate it very much, even i don't like to be celebrated....anyway, only picture left as i eaten up all the doughnuts by myself...haha~

 

p/s: thanx babe for the yummy gift and delicious treat...next time the honor will be mine...i promise..... =)

Life sometimes cannot be fair to us…we sometimes don't get what we wanted and things not usually go our way…but there always a reason behind it, just we never realized of it…I hope, one day I'm going to be able to understand what life is and start to move forward, regardless of whatever hardness and challenges I'm going to face….

i never ask for anything...enough just you be honest with me...it doesn't matter good or bad...just be honest.....i'm normal person with short fuse, i can easily lost my temper and i know i'm bad when i lost control of myself....but please consider....i just cannot stand to watch some other guys that u barely know hanging out with you instead of me....if that kind of guy you choose, so what will happen to me??

I know, he meant a lot to you, and I appreciate that he always there for you…I know, there are many things between us and I admit that I'm not that good to you all the time…I'm trying to be good and I try to make it up to you….i know, it is your freedom, it is your choice to do anything you ever wish, and I cannot step in any decision you make…but sometimes, you need to consider some important things that you cannot see in me…..

~HappY BirthdaY~

Well…happy birthday to me….sudah 22 tahun dah saya hidup….banyak benda yang saya dapat and belajar dari semua aspek dan dari semua jenis benda dan orang dan macam-macam dan banyak sungguh dan……anyway, sudah lengkap perjalanan hidup selama 22 tahun, saya berdoa supaya pada masa akan datang saya akan bertambah sihat dan diberi kesempatan untuk memastikan impian mak ayah saya tercapai, dan impian saya sendiri pon tercapai gak….semoga hidup saya sentiasa diberkati Allah SWT dan dilimpahi rahmat sentiasa…once again, happy birthday to me…aminn~

 

P/S: Thanx a lot babe…I got your message…really do appreciate it….nice pic…. (^__^)

~!~

I'm tired of chasing around shadows….i'm tired of chasing around memories…I'm tired of chasing around you….i'm tired of cry alone in the night…you know, it bothers me whenever you are away, and when you are not in front of me….i sat alone, holding your picture in my arms, staring at your never ending smiles really rips my heart apart….

 

Knowing you, I bet you also know me….even I try to know better, there are lot of things I cannot understand by just observing…I am human, I do really need an explanation to everything you do, and I really do need you to guide me to know you better…there are too little I understand and there is too many you keep in hide from me….

 

I hope you know that I always keep you in my heart…you are my heart, you are my soul, and you are my life….sometimes, it really do flatten me whenever I inviting you, you showing me a good response….even in the end, it never happened, but at least by showing your interest in the subject matter really makes my day….i know, if compared to my "competitors", I am nothing special….

 

One thing, I never able to understand is….why is it hard for me to admit that I am not yours anymore??even you keep repeat it to me, but I never get to understand….perhaps, by admitting this particular facts, I will be more clear on how things go with you….it really sad when what i planned not achievable, but it too much too admit that you turn me down for someone else…now it really do hurts, as all those things goes smoothly under my nose because it was covered with lies…well, I love the way you lies….thank you very much….

 

Now I know we said things did things that we never meant and now we fall back into the same pattern, same routine….your temper as just bad as mine is, you the same as me when it come to love you just as blinded….

Manusia….kita selalu akan melakukan perkara-perkara di luar dugaan apabila kita tengah sedih, kecewa, marah, tertekan, muram dan kadangkala gembira juga buat kita tak sedar kita telah melakukan sesuatu yang di luar jangkaan kita sendiri….tapi itu lah manusia, bila sudah berlalu, baru nak menyesal….harap-harap kali ini apa yang saya lakukan ini betul…Ya Allah, tunjukkanlah hamba-Mu ini jalan penyelesaian terbaik….

-(T_T)-

~JikA BenaR CintA iTu ButA~

Berapa lamakah lagi

Terpaksa aku menanti

Sehingga teguhnya

Pendirian, di hati…

 

Bukan hanya kepentingan

Malahan keegoan

Telah ku korbankan

Berlimpahan kasih sayang

Aku curahkan

Buatmu seorang

 

Kiranya semua itu

Tak memadai bagimu

Apa sebenarnya

Yang kau mahu

Ku tak tahu

 

Kau hilang bila ku tiba

Kau dating bila ku kecewa

Terasa diri dipersenda

Bilakah berakhirnya nanti

Permainan sandiwaramu ini

Sesungguhnya aku

Tak mengerti

 

Jika benar cinta itu buta

Butakah mataku??

Berkali terluka masih jua

Ku menunggu

Apa yang ku inginkan

Cuma kejujuran dalam percintaan

 

Jika itu tiada

Apalah ertinya

Penantian ini

Hanya sia-sia

 

~DecembeR~

December has come again….yet; I usually spend my December at home with my family (because we Malaysians always had educational facilities break at the end of the year)…but this time, for the year of 2010, it is a different one…make it very special I guessed…for the first time ever, I can enjoy a December full of classes, a December with my friends instead of my family, and then a December with rainy almost the whole day….oh did I tell you how much I love rain so much??it just like watching the whole world crying with you…it a nice feeling, and somehow I feel better because of it…

 

Well, this December also make a difference…for the first time ever in my life, I will having my birthday during school term….for 22 years I lived, never had a year of spending time with teachers and friends for my birthday bash (as my birthday fall on December (T_T)… ), this is the first time I get present and surprise party from my friends (maybe…I wish I had one)…this very month also I witnessed my friends wedding, my sister newborn baby, my elder sister engagement, and lot of family bonding among my relatives and friends to be mentioned.

 

So, if you asking me about December, it kind of remarkable to me, as I always get reminded how much I have grown, how much I have been hurt, how much I have been betrayed, how much I failed, how much I fall, how much I rise, how much I success, how much I get from the whole year full of surprise, and how matured I was….

 

Ya Allah, I wish I will have another year full of your blessing and I always seek your forgiveness, for all the sin I've done….

~I WisH I CoulD bE HappY~

Yeah….i wish I could be happy…having all the things I wanted and live my life as the way I want….meet a lot of people, buy me self cool stuffs, eat delicious food, have a healthy body, having a wonderful family, a wonderful house, a powerful vehicle, an empire, and of course a lovely wive….

 

I wish I could be happy….life is not always as we planned it is, but it still can make us enjoy it….somehow, it is good to have your plan ruined by the reason you never know…because we always promised that Allah S.W.T have better planning for us…I hope what I'm going through will make me a better person…amin for that….

 

I wish I could be happy….all my time in my life, I dedicated to live my life the way it should be….be a faithful son, be a responsible brother and be a handful friend….i being loyal subject to my country and also my believes, as I do believe what should I believe in….i live all my lifetime to fulfill what I have been assigned to, to be a khalifah in this world….

 

I wish I could be happy….i never complained of anything that against my will, I just regret that it never as I expected…but I must be positive, keep things positive and move on…that is life, being noble and humble, only focusing on our life…we never know what will happened next, even in a split second, so we must appreciate our life before it ends…

 

I wish…..i could be happy…….

Haha….seems to me I haven't written anything for a while…I'm sorry, been bit busy lately….don't worry, give me some time, and I write soon….just be patient okay…. (^_^)