~A SonG tO RemembeR~

Some days I sit

Staring at the window

Watching this world pass me by

Sometimes I think

There's nothing to live for

I almost break down and cry

 

Sometimes I think I'm crazy

I'm crazy oh so crazy

Why am I here?

Am I just wasting my time?

 

But then I see my baby

Suddenly I'm not crazy

It all makes sense

When I look into her eyes

 

Sometimes it feels like

The world's on my shoulder

Everyone's leaning on me

Cause sometimes it feels like

The world's almost over

But then she comes back to me

 

My baby girl

Keeps singing louder

I watch her grow up with pride

People make jokes

Cause they don't understand me

They just don't see my real side

 

I act like shit don't faze me

Inside it drive me crazy

My insecurities could eat me alive

 

Now you probably get this picture

From my public persona

That I'm a pistol-packing drug addict

Who bags on his mama

But I wanna just take this time out

To be perfectly honest

Cause there's a lot of shit

I keep bottled that hurts

Deep inside of my soul

 

And just know that I grow colder

The older I grow

This boulder on my shoulder

Gets heavy and harder to hold

And this load is like the weight of the world

And I think my neck is breaking

Should I just give up?

Or try to live up

To these expectation

 

Now look, I love my girlfriend

More than life in herself

But I got enemies that's determined

To make my life living hell

But I handled it well

Given the circumstances I'm dealt

So many chances man

It's too bad

Could had someone else

 

But the years that I've wasted are

Nothing to tears that I've tasted

So here's what I'm facing:

3 felonies, 6 years of probation

I've went to jail for this woman

I've been to bat for this woman

I've taken bats to people backs

Bent over backwards

For this woman

 

But that's it, it's over

There's no more reason

To cry no more

I got my baby

The only lady I adore faithfully

So sayonara try tomorrow

Nice to know you

My baby travelled back to arms of

Her rightful owner

And suddenly it seems that

My shoulder blades have just shifted

It's like the greatest gift

You can get

The weight have been lifted

 

I LOVE YOU, WITH ALL MY HEART…

~VersE 1~

I woke up from a dream today

I jumped off my bed and I stare to the ceiling

I got this chilly feeling

Spread up my spine

To the head

To the brain

To the ear

Flowing tear to my eyes

It's not fear

That I feel

For that time

It was real

And I know it

I blown it

I pushed it

I engulfed it

I spit it

Away

So that it never bother me in anyway

Anyway

There is so many way

Why we are on the same way

Just like yesterday

Yesterday is over

Today is a new day

The day still isn't over

For us to realize thing

Fix thing

Made up for our mistakes

It's not mistakes that fear us

It our mind

Mind of being blown away

Like I was holding a shot gun

Aim to my head

I'm losing the rhyme

But I just hit it

Play it

Wind it

So it sound like a rhyme

Even though I know it is crime

I'm going to a shock

Now I'm reaching the for glock

I try to shoot them

But the music stops

~TaK SepertI SayA~

Saya tahu, dia jauh lebik kacak dan mempunyai daya tarikan,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

Saya tahu, dia anak orang berada,

Punya banyak wang,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

Saya tahu, dia pandai bergaya,

Memakai pakaian cantik-cantik dan jam berjenama,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

Saya tahu, dia memiliki kenderaan mewah untuk kegunaan harian,

Dengan enjin turbo dan custom made,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA….

 

Saya tahu, dia mampu menawan hati kamu,

Hanya dengan jelingan matanya,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA

 

TAPI

 

Saya tahu, dia bukan sayangkan kamu,

Kamu hanyalah sekadar mengisi masa terluangnya,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

Saya tahu, dia memiliki hubungan intim dengan ramai wanita

Di belakang kamu, tanpa kamu sedari dan ketahui,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

Saya tahu, dia seorang perokok tegar,

Dan kamu alah kepada asap rokok,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

Saya tahu, dia selalu mengabaikan amal ibadat,

Sentiasa melakukan maksiat,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

PALING PENTING….

 

TAK SEPERTI SAYA,

Lelaki itu tidak pernah mencintai kamu sepenuh hatinya,

Tidak sanggup berkorban apapun demi kamu,

Tidak mungkin berniat baik terhadap kamu,

Menganggap kamu sebagai pemuas nafsu dan

Peneman dikala bosan,

TAK SEPERTI SAYA…

 

=]

~BukaN NiaT Mu~

Memang bukan niat mu melukakan hatiku

Dalam bermacam-macam alasan dalam dunia nih

Tiada satu pun darinya boleh dijadikan sebab untuk ku membencimu

NO….i can't forget anything about you….

 

Ku tahu diriku tidak layak buatmu

Dalam bermacam-macam perempuan dalam dunia nih

Tiada satu pun yang dapat memenuhi criteria seperti mu

Yang boleh ku agungkan sebagai permaisuri hatiku

NO….i can't forget anything about you…

 

Ku tahu selama kita bersama, banyak yang telah kita lalui….

Dan bagimu itu semua tidak bermakna….

Dalam banyak-banyak kenangan yang ku lalui sepanjang hidupku di dunia ini

Tak mungkin ku dapat teruskan kehidupan dengan melupuskan segala ingatan ku bersama mu…

NO…I can't just forget everything about you…

 

Maafkan diriku

Percayalah, hidupku akan lebih manis denganmu di sisi ku

Bila mu gembira, ku 100x ganda lebih gembira

Dan ingatlah,

Bila mu terluka, 1000x kesakitan yang ku rasa

Aku sayang kamu….

 

Always….

 

Jangan tingglkan diriku kesepian keseorangan…..

I love you, and that's it….love whoever you want, as many as you want…I won't bother anymore….you always know I never take anything for granted…I feel sorry for those who fall for me….I already choose you, blindly without thinking that you might not be choosing me…. I know, I'm just piece of trash that you never want in your life, but please, at least I need some comfort and care from you, in my present situation….you left me hurting myself while other bask with your love…. I know you, but I don't know you well enough…perhaps you never consider of knowing me, because if you really knew me, then you should know what might happen if this goes on…. I'm missing the old me, and yet I miss the old you, even it is the worst ever person ever walked in this world….well, you always said that if I can't handle you at your worst, then sure hell I don't deserve you at your best….for me, if you can't handle me at my best, then sure hell you never will can handle me at my worst…mark my words…..

If I could turn back the time, and get back into the past, I will go and see my past self and congratulate me, for making the right decision, which is falling in love with you…. =)

~Strange?~

Pelik ke kalau ada orang yang sanggup buat ape saje demi nak kecapi kebahagiaan? Pelik ke kalau ada orang sanggup bunuh kawan demi keselamatan? Pelik jugak ke kalau ada orang sanggup mati demi nak tegakkan pendirian dia…. Dan pelik ke kalau ada yang sanggup mati hanya sebab cintakan seseorang??

It's strange when people ask me those question…err…pelik sangat ke?? Tak kot…ade je orang yang sanggup buat macam tu…demi kehidupan…kadang-kadang kita tak mintak pon benda jadi sampai macam tu…tapi pemikiran manusia, kita tak pernah nak nilai keburukan dan kelemahan kita, tapi selalu mencari kelemahan dan kesalahan orang lain…

Pelik, memang pelik…kadang-kadang kita berubah atas kehendak kita sendiri, tak kesah lah atas tujuan ape pun…tapi perubahan tu kita sendiri yang tentukan, dan kita jugak yang decide perubahan tu sampai tahap mana….pelik ke kalau seseorang tu berubah?? Tidak, tidak sama sekali….perubahan adalah pilihan, dan pilihan adalah perkara yang subjektif….

Pelik, mungkin pelik…tapi pelik macam mana pun, kita kena always tahu dan always ingat, life is a total mess…

**hari ni bahasa rojak kerana perasaan bercampur baur…harap maaf~**

~LieS~

Lies…lie is a must in human life…why? Because lie drives us forward…but why lie? To satisfy the one we lied? To escape from any form of punishment? To save our butt? Or to simply make an excuse to ourself? All are possibility of lying….but why lie??

I used to lie once…not once, many time I've done it…I know it's bad to lie, and I regret myself for lying…but because I know the feel of being lied to, I managed to control my lies…carefully lie so one gonna get hurt and those lie satisfied all person involved….but still, why lie??

I know, it's hard to accept when someone are lying to us, especially the one we loved the most…sometimes, they said like this, but done it like that…action show differently than said…well said, but still lie is the best option to satisfy people…

Sometimes, I used lie to comfort people, even me myself need comforts from others…there also time I need to lie to satisfy myself, so that I never think something bad and stupid, just to prevent me from doing something bad….but why lie, even I can tell the truth to myself??

Lie are lie, there are no arguing about it….i hate being lied to, so I try as good as I can for not telling lies to people…I hate when you lied to me, even I already know that was a lie….i don't know, maybe I loved the way you lie, that's why….

Enough lying…I'm tired of this game….your lie gotten rotten day by day…you act differently than what you said….you lie again…you promise me…promise are made to be broken…yet you still lie, yet you still promise…promise is a lie, and lie is also a promise…I promise you, no more lie, but believe me, I was lying to you…you were lying to me, it's ok, as I know the lie not bring us to no where….

~TentativE~

Superstition taking all of us for a ride

Mimes overtaken by the signs of the "Right"

The bombs are falling overhead with no sight

While you are talking all detached,

So tell us

 

"Where're you going?"

To the bottom

Do you hear us?

We are rotting

 

We're going down

In a spiral to the ground

No one

No one's gonna save us now

 

Ceremonies have killed religions for they provide

The masked comforts to delusional

They're all in fright

The true believer's head was bathed in sunlight

While you are walking all detached,

So tell us

 

"Where're you going?"

To the bottom

Do you hear us?

We are rotting

 

We're going down

In a spiral to the ground

No one

No one's gonna save us now

Not even GOD

No one saved us

No one's gonna save us now

 

Where do you expect us to go when the bombs fall?

Where do you expect us to go when the bombs fall?

Where do you expect them to go when the bombs fall?

Where do you expect us to go when the bombs fall?

 

Superstition taking us all for a ride

Mimes overtaken by the sign of the "Right"

The bombs are falling overhead with no sight

While you are talking all

Detached, detached, detached, detached, detached

 

Going down

In a spiral to the ground

No one

No one's gonna save us now

Not even GOD

No one saved us

No one saved us

No one saved us

No one's gonna save us now

 

Where do you expect us to go when the bombs fall?

~>_<~

Haiz…susah sangat ke nak reply mesej…. Nak return call pon susah agaknya….dulu-dulu, time awal-awal dulu, saya selalu dah kena maki, kena marah….

"Buat apa ada henset mahal-mahal kalau tak boleh nak answer call and reply mesej….baik campak je dalam longkang!!!"

Well, skrg da dapat merasai ape makna intipati ayat makian tu….i know I'm wrong, I've done so much wrong thing in my life, towards you especially…tapi ape la salah nak reply mesej or return semula call….just nak tahu kamu ok ke tak, selamat ke tak…dah la call tak angkat, mesej tak reply, pastu bole pulak off henset…tak pe la, sape je saye ni pada anda….anda cenderawasih, turun ke tanah hanya untuk menghina saya si gagak cacat dan hina….harap-harap kamu selamat…maafkan saya….sudah tak tau macam mana nak sampaikan kerisauan pada kamu… ='(

~FinallY~

setelah beberapa hari hujan, perlis sudah naik air....mak eh, banjir sudah perlis ni....selama dok 4 taun, 1st time rase banjir kat perlis...keadaan agak teruk sekarang ni...ramai yang da kena evacuate keluar dari pelis nih...hope diorang selamat sampai ke pangkuan keluarga....

 

for me, seems keadaan da makin ok....sikit.....wish nak stay lagi kat sini...ramai gak orang kondem, xkan nk tunggu worst condition ever baru nak blah kot...tapi ape bole buat, i have more important matter to give attention to, so sorry la kalo aku x leh nk ikot korang same blah dari negeri kayangan ni kan....

 

pape pon, line tenet da ok, and i can get online again....hopefully things get well soon.....

 

p/s; dear M, harap2 u slamat la smpai kat umah....n jauhkan diri dari kobis, kerana kobis itu luar nmpk ok, dalam x tau ade ulat ke x...u know what i mean....i love you, please take good care...and don't worry about me, i'm survivor so just care about yourself first....i really do care for you, so please...take very good care f yourself... :(

~TriaL, tO geT MarrieD???~

Well, I just read one of my friends blog…she said that she is damn serious, she want to get married early….i wished I was the one, but it depends on her parent…wah, I never thought it will be this hard…facing her parent is one thing I rather not to, as her father is really careful on whoever she close to…but I decided, I give it a try….if it's ok, I will do it, even it require my eternity and soul… J

~Saturday: 30/10/2010~

Today is Saturday….just like the other Saturday I ever faced….but no one never what might come afterward…even me, the one who always thought I planned my own activity….

Today, it has been a while…she asking me out, where I always wished for the whole time….even shocked a bit, I quickly agreed, without thinking much…yes, for her, I never think twice…I just do what my heart say and I strictly obey….

Sharp on my clock, 5.35 p.m….rains start to pour, and I almost get soaked before I reached my friend bike….I almost bang mu fist to wall as it seem that my plan ruined, but I manage to hold myself back and think about it over….luckily, after 10 minutes of waiting, the rain begin to stop….I quickly get the key out of my pocket and starts the engine….in a matter of minutes, I was on the way to pick her up….

It's been hard for me, as the journey not as smooth as I wish for….i was chased by rain and the rain chased by me….I take about 3 stops to reach her, and I get soaked a little in the rain, but it never stopped me, as I can see she is faithfully smiling at me, waiting for me to come….

Well, we enjoyed the whole evening….we go whenever we want to and we managed to buy what we are looking for, even some of the goods aren't that good and off the list….have a wonderful dinner at Pizza Hut® and then spend most of time at the beach, enjoying a peaceful environment…

Babe, I know we been through a lot, and I know you have undergone more pain than I do….i wish that you stay strong, in whatever condition because I can't afford to lose you….i know, I've been bad lately and I wish I can quickly be by your side again…I always pray for your happiness and I wished someday you find the path you are looking for…

Just remember babe, if whatever happened in the future, just remember, you always had me….i love you too damn much…..