~I LovE ThE WaY YoU LiE~

This is a song sung by both EMINEM and RIHANNA, my all time favorite singer….this song, somehow really represent my condition right now…that's why I love this song…. =)

 

***

Just gonna stand there

And watch me burn

But that's alright

Because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there

And hear me cry

But that's alright

Because I love

The way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

 

I can't tell you what really it is

I can only tell you what it feels like

And right now there's a steel knife

In my windpipe

I can't breathe

But I still fight

While I can fight

As long as the wrong feels right

It's like I'm in flight

High of a love

Drunk from the hate

It's like I'm huffing paint

And I love it the more that I suffer

I suffocate

And right before I'm about to drown

She resuscitates me

She fucking hates me

And I love it

Wait

Where you going

"I'm leaving you"

No you ain't

Come back

We're running right back

Here we go again

It's so insane

Cause when it's going good

It's going great

I'm Superman

With the wind in his bag

She's Lois Lane

But when it's bad

It's awful

I feel so ashamed

I snap

"Who's that dude?"

"I don't even know his name"

I laid hands on her

I'll never stoop so low again

I guess I don't know my own strength

 

***

 

You ever love somebody so much

You can barely breathe

When you're with them

You meet

And neither one of you

Even know what hit 'em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling

Yeah them chills

Used to get 'em

Now you're getting fucking sick

Of looking at 'em

You swore you've never hit 'em

Never do anything to hurt 'em

Now you're in each other's face

Spewing venom

And these words

When you spit 'em

You push

You pull each other's hair

Scratch, claw, bite 'em

Throw 'em down

Pin 'em

So lost in the moments

When you're in 'em

It's the rage that took over

It controls you both

So they say it's best

To go your separate ways

Guess that they don't know you

Cause today

That was yesterday

Yesterday is over

It's a different day

Sound like broken records

Playing over

But you promised her

Next time you'll show restraint

You don't get another chance

Life is no Nintendo game

But you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave

Out the window

Guess that's why they call it window pane

 

***

 

Now I know we said things

Did things

That we didn't mean

And we fall back

Into the same patterns

Same routine

But your temper's just as bad

As mine is

You're the same as me

But when it comes to love

You're just as blinded

Baby please came back

It wasn't you

Baby it was me

Maybe our relationship

Isn't as crazy as it seems

Maybe that's what happens

When a tornado meets a volcano

All I know is

I love you too much

To walk away though

Come inside

Pick up your bags off the sidewalk

Don't you hear sincerity

In my voice when I talk

Told you this is my fault

Look me in the eyeball

Next time I'm pissed

I'll aim my fist

At the dry wall

Next time

There will be no next time

I apologize

Even though I know it's lies

I'm tired of the games

I just want her back

I know I'm a liar

If she ever tries to fucking leave again

I'm gonna tie her to the bed

And set the house on fire

Just gonna

***

~EveninG~

Today, 29 October 2009….i woke up early in the morning just to find out I nearly miss a replacement class…but things go well, I manage to attend to the class, meeting with my co-supervisor for my FYP and then pay a visit to tutorial lecturer to collect assignment and tutorials…go to weekly Jumaat pray and then end of my mid day in front of my laptop….

Evening, in the evening, where everything become so weird….i soon realize I was standing at the edge of Kuala Perlis jetty, waving pointlessly towards my friend departure…soon came to notice, since 3 o clock today I already seen departure a lot of my friends….well, I admit I don't appreciate them much, but they are pieces in my life, and my life wouldn't be complete without them….

Well, it's never been easy to control one's emotion…. I slowly ride my friend bike after sending the third guy for today, and watching them happily to get home soon…. I don't know, nothing in particular come up in my mind, and I feel like riding without anyone else on the road….gladly, there's not much vehicle so that I don't involve in anything bad….but I still cannot figure out the weird feeling I get since the last guy depart…

At the exact 6.15 p.m., after 15 minutes of riding a slow motion bike (it's not the bike is slow, but I accelerate it slowly), I finally reach my campus…but I don't know, usually I managed to get over the guard, but I don't know what happen with me, I just stopped right in front of them and doing everything they asked me to…

Then I realized, I was holding a paper with writing in black and my signature on it….yes, it is a ticket, issued by the campus guard to me, charging me with a stupid mistake….he just issued me RM 50 for not displaying student sticker on the bike….well, this is strange….so far I used my friend bike, the sticker are always there…but it strange this evening the sticker not there anymore, and I am unfortunate to run into the guards without the sticker on…

I try to explain, and I guess my explanation is reasonable…the sticker was there, and there's no mistaking it…but how should I know if it had been picked by another vehicle owner who are too hard to pay RM 5 for a sticker….and I don't know what happen to myself, usually I will argue until I got no point, but this evening I easily obeyed the guards….

While holding the ticket, I watched myself in the mirror….what could be wrong I've done today, because I feel really empty inside out…. I see my friend departure, I go to class, I get summoned, but no feeling inside of me….there is no joy, no happiness, no sadness, no angry and madness, nothing….i just feel nothing….

At 9.50 p.m., I send another guy to depart…well, he treat me with KFC, which I never expect from him, and got back to campus….still, there is no mood come to me….i got visit from my friends which have been long I seen him, and still, I don't feel anything….we talked, we laughed, we eat, we walked, but I still feel empty….

The whole night, I spend on playing DotA, a game that I always play during my free time…and this time, I no play alone, but with few leftover friend of mine…even we lose and win consecutively, I don't know why, but I did not enjoy tonight games.…

Well, up until now, as I am typing my next words of this post, I still haven't feel anything, even it already 4.57 a.m. (based on my clock)….well I guess I stop it right here, as my eyes are blinking weakly and still, I got no intention and feel to sleep….but I guess this where I bid goodbye, so see ya next time…today evening has been a weirdest evening of my life…. =)

I wish, someday I could put an end toward this, as I know you already tired of me being shadowing you…I'm sorry, I just couldn't stand still and watch…..

I don't know…I couldn't see things as through as before….I don't know what is missing, and what is wrong with me….I can't think straight anymore…you know, whenever you saying being you was never easy, I find it much harder to understand you, more than anything…I wish I knew….I thought I know you everything, but it seems I never know you enough…

Well…now I don't know if I am on the wrong path…. I admit I choose to stay, and I hope I'll stick to it….but somewhere, somehow you are backstabbing me and I really hurt by the pain… you see, whatever you do, I never complained and I never objected, as it fines with me as long as you are happy with it…. I hurt, and I cry alone in the night…I know you never wanted this part of me, but I can't help it since I only have you in my life…

I wish someday you will be good enough, changed already, and find out your inner self….I wish I can accompany you along your way, till the very end of me, but it seems you never wanted me anymore….you had your life, and you should appreciate every bit of it, and let your memory of me die along when I'm gone….

I wish I'm stayed, and I really want to….but it can't be helped if you never ever wanted to, and you already know, I really hate to make you do something you never intended and never will to do….Go on, live a happy life babe….don't let me shadowing your life…I'm only your past, not your present and never will be your future….

Live happily, be good and take really good care of yourself….I love so very damn much, from the bottom of my heart….don't worry, even if I'm not around, I can always be your guardian angel, even I'm not supposed to…farewell…………………………..

~PicturE~

Picture…what's with picture? I don't know…all I know picture is one way of preserving memories…yup, to keep a sweet memory of something that we will be missed in the future…it's nice to take pics, just need a camera, pose and then snap! Finished…you got yourself a picture of something you want to keep…

I love taking pictures…there's a lot of it actually…but I don't know, I felt it very wrong to post it here or uploaded into any open networking account such as Facebook, Tagged, Hi-5, Myspace, Friendster, etc….i know, the function of those picture are to let someone recognize us, and as identification purposes…

But to me, it seems like revealing ourselves to outsider and total stranger….we never know them exactly as their nature….human is well known of lying….lies is what people are really good at…somehow I feel uploading my pics will put me in a grave danger…maybe I'm just paranoid, but it is the truth and I want to keep it that way…

In fact, much of us never realized…especially girls….you know, there are rules to wear clothes and guidelines are stated clearly in al-Quran, and I hope whoever read this realized it well….well, you see….it's good to have your picture in your Fb or whatsoever social website you joined, but have you ever consider any sin you done before your eyes??

I tell you what….let say, you uploaded one pic of your new haircut….just to tell you love your new haircut, and it reached the objective as people seeing it know that you are telling them that you just having a new haircut and you loved it very much…but, have you ever realized, that pic is opened to public and anyone can see it…how??

Simple…you uploaded it and you brag about it….some of your friend view it, and tell their friends…and their friend spread it more through another friends of theirs and so on until it spread out wide across the world….

For your information, revealing your hair to men which is not your father, brothers or relatives are totally prohibited….it stated in al-Quran, that you will suffer several years in hell for just a piece of your hair seen by a pair of eyes…imagine, one hair per eyes cost you several years…if you upload a pic of your new haircut, just how much your hair revealed that you think??? Thousand?? Try to multiply it with hundreds of people that just admiring your new haircut…..

I hope you can understand what I'm saying…it not only for a free hair pic, same goes to pic of you in which you wearing a shirt that showing your body shape, short sleeve shirt, your sister shirt and whatsoever shirt that revealing yourself to a men is count as same….

Think about it, and make a move…I'm just telling you the truth, no hard feelings…hope you understand….even this don't apply to men, but men also has their own guidance in showing pic of themselves….but, like I suggested, remove those pic which you think improper to be uploaded and keep a nice pic in a suitable dress…

And also remember, never let your boyfriend have your private photo….free hair or half naked, or sexy and exotic, even a nice photo with sweet smile, please don't…because they can used it against you if things don't go their way…believe me, I've seen much among my friends….

So ladies, please be careful…don't let yourself be a victim just because of a "Picture" =)

~LetteR tO ~M~

It's been a while….since the last time that I saw your pretty face….it's nice seeing you….being up all good except those expression….the expression of never ending tired…..i know, lately both of us have been busy, and lately we are no more having our normal conversation….well, it's good to see you alive, happy and most importantly, cheerful….

I know, you been through many things this year, so do I…living without you by my side seems to be the worse ever condition I ever had….really wish that someday you will stand by me once again, and I always pray for that….above all, I always pray for your well being and happily ever after…that's all I'm asking….

Today, I see what you write about what happened yesterday…it's been a boring day, I admit it but I even gain a priceless knowledge….but, it still hurts me deep inside knowing you still got the same problems….i wish I can erased all that, and we can start a new beginning….

I wish that someday you manage to change, to be the one you should be…I know, it's never been easy….but at least try…I hardly see any effort you make, cause day by day I can only see things getting worse and worse, and seem like never ending….i can change so I believe you also can….

I always has faith in you…even whatever mess you in…I always have faith with you….it's nice talking to you, even given a shorter time and chances, I still glad I can make out a word or two to you…well babe, I really missed our old days, and I wish you feel the same, because right know, your heart keep telling you that we are no longer connected….we don't have any connection you say….well, I know you sad to see someone which is fading away from you, but it hurt me most to see you sad for someone else other than me….

Well, I guess that's all for now…I wish that I could be there with you when you are out there alone with the sea, because it the only place both of us approved for releasing our tension….well babe, please take good care of yourself and be good in whatever you do…even I'm no longer someone to you, bear in mind that you always the best in me…

~HarI BahagiA~

Huhu….beberapa hari lepas, tanggal 17 Oktober 2010, maka lahir la seorang putera hasil perkahwinan kakak saya yang nombor 2…setelah 10 bulan mendirikan rumah tangga, sampai la masa nya keluarga ini menyambut kehadiran bayi lelaki pertama, di mana pertama dari segi:

1. Mak n abah akan d panggil tok n tok wan
   
2. Along jadi mak long n pak long
   
3. Adik2 angah akan jadi pakcik n makcik
   
4. Kitorang da ade anak buah
   

Haa..sungguh bahagia…teringin nk tengok putera tersebut, tapi tak tau la bila dapat pulang…huhu~

 

Tarikh ini sangat significant pada saya, as pada 10 oktober along bertunang, pada 9 oktober kawan baik saya mendirikan rumah tangga, 18 oktober tarikh merdeka student tahun 4 batch ke 2 PPK BIOPROSES dan 10 october, ehem ehem saya punya ehem ehem special ehem day ehem ehem di mana saya ehem ehem berjumpa dengan ehem ehem permaisuri ehem ehem ehem...

 

Tu je la…takde pape nak tulis sangat sebenarnye….

Pai2

p/s: I never know u would love coffee….

~YoU & I~

I lose control

Because of you babe

I lose control

When you look at me like this

There's something in your eyes

That is saying tonight

I'm not a child anymore

Life has opened the doors

To a new exciting life

 

It's all written down

In your life lines

It's written down

Inside your heart

 

You and I

Just have a dream

To find a our love a place

Where we can hide away

 

I lose control

When I'm close to you babe

I lose control

Don't look at me like this

There's something in your eyes

Is this love at first sight

Like a flowers that grows

Life just wants you to know

All the secrets of life

 

I lose control

Because of you babe

I lose control

Don't look at me like this

There's something in your eyes

That is saying tonight

I'm so curious for more

Like never before

In my innocent life

 

It's all written down

In your life lines

It's written down

Inside your heart

 

You and I

Were just made

To love each other now

Forever and a day

 

Time stand stills

When the day of innocence

Are falling for the night

I love you girl I always will

I swear I'm there for you

Till the day I die…

~ThE WinD oF ChangE~

Take me….to the magic of the moment on a glory night….where the children of tomorrow dream away…in the wind of change….

 

Love this song from The Scorpions….the wind of change eh…people do change….changes are inevitable don't they?? Seeing a lot of people today, when we meet again, they may not be the same as we met them before….that's change….it doesn't matter change in shape or physically, or behavior or language, slang, whatever it is….we still can detect a change in ourselves and others…

 

Judgment…we always judged people around us….good or bad, kind or devil, sweet or bitter…we like to judge…and this judgment does not bring us anywhere, but back to the point like a circle….goes round and round…

 

I wish I could change a bit…be a person where people can accept and be the one that accept others….slightly changes does not require much effort they say, but changes are hard to do in the first place…why it is hard??because we choose not to….choose, is another inevitable thing in this world…change is always a choice, but choices also a change…in order to change, we need to make choices and making choices require us to change…

 

So, choose to change but don't change the choice…once broken, it never be mend like the original 1… =)

~InviteD OnlY!!~

Hai2….salam lebaran semua….

Da lame tak bukak blog ni…

Tapi harini, nak buat entry marah2 emosional tentang benda yang tak patut terjadi…

Pernah tak kalu korang semua bukak blog yang korang suka bace, sampai korang siap bookmark blog tu,

Tapi ape perasaan korang bila one day, blog yang korang suka sangat bace tu tiba2 dia letak sebagai private blog…

Tricky isn't it??

Kadang2, org akan privatekan blog kalo nak buat maintenance or ade la nak touch up2 diorang punye blog….

Tapi, kalo stakat nak private and kasi sendiri bace,baik x yah buat blog….

Tulis je la dalam buku diari or henset or laptop peribadi…

Tak perlu kot nak publish kat blog, tapi tak bagi orang baca…

Blog ialah tempat untuk orang2 berkongsi idea pendapat common interest and luahkan perasaan…

Tapi kalo setakat tulis, update, pastu sendiri bace baik la simpan dalam buku latihan yang 60 sen satu tu…

Apa guna teknologi kalo disalah ertikan….

Dah la merapu…hari ni puasa, so tak bole nak carut lebih…haaa~

See you again next time…

Papai~