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Monday, May 10, 2010

~a WalK tO RemembeR~

today,
i looked back in my diary....
full of scratches for the past few months...
i read one by one pages,
one after another.....

1st December 2010...
the very start of the very end...
igniter for a new path,
and as ending for the previous live....
the life as a student,
lies behind me...
where the path of uncertainty
still peak ahead of me....

today,
as i recalled the memories,
i begin to laughed all alone....
i cried all alone.....
and i smile all alone.....
thinking of the memories,
for the path that i had choose,
and every decision that i made,
and every steps that i take....

as today,
in the very last moment....
i would like to summarize my life here....
as it started
as well as it ended....
where there memories lie,
there will be never a good bye.....

today,
when i looked at my diary
i began to understand....
there's a lot of achievement
can be done...
not by only ourselves,
but with the help of others...
i learned how to be a man,
i has been shown how to
be pamper as a woman....
lot of things we've going through
even though there are bitter and sour a bit...
but hey....
that's life...wasn't it??

today,
at the very end of this note,
i would like to show my gratitude,
to show my appreciation,
and my respect
to those who has been in my life
and those who had their own chapter in my life
thank you,
for everything
that i take from you,
and for everything
that i gave to you,
and everything that we share....
for the past few months,
where i learned a lot,
and lot more you thought me...
thank you.....

Thursday, May 6, 2010

~I HatE MyselF~



yup....
dats rite...

i hate myself....
i hate myself....
why??
only Allah know why..
..

i try my best....
and i hate it....

why should i try my best for.....
just for a person just for a lady....
just to prove what i am capable of....
i hate myself....

i hate myself....
i play pretend that i'm ok...
i'm ok..

if u ask me i'm always ok...
there's no problem within me....
i'm ok....

as ok as the mountain....
steady through everything...

but then...
that's what you see from the outside...
it's only the mask that i wear
to fool you

to fool everyone
to fool everybody
to see that i'm ok...

but deep inside

i'm totally broken....


i hate myself....
why must i cry to know the truth??

why am i must suffer
just to sustain my faith in you??

i hate myself....

because of everything i've done...
and for that reason,
i hate myself....
i know you already hate me,
and that make me even
want to
hate myself more
and more

and again

I HATE MYSELF VERY MUCH...

Monday, May 3, 2010

i'm sori.....
i'm not into this.....
da lame x bkk blog...
byk sgt bnda happen smpai xde feel da nk mengarang....
sori la kwn2...
yg mne bce,
yg mne bkk blog ni....
yg mne just tgk.....
sori sbb dis blog is empty
n not updated....
byk sgt bnda nk crite,
n byk sgt bnda nk tulis...
but not this time...
i'm sory...
later....
bye....

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

byk bnda nk tulis sbnrnye....
tp nnt2 laaa.....
penat lagik nih.....
bwu jek smpai melaka pg td.....
pape pon,
tggu la post baru ek....
ade yk nk ltk kat blog nih.....
so tggu la yeh.....
papai2......

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

~WheN You'rE GonE - Pt.2~

last night.....
aku tidoq cukup2 sbb penat ngat keje
dr kol 8 mlm smpai la pagi esok nye...
gile ah tido...da lame x tido kaw2....
bgn kol 6 pagi,
siap nk solat subuh
n pastu gua g jog tepi pntai..
dlm mase same,
tgn x benti belek enset...
tot tet tot tet tkn button enset tu....

even tidoq ku cukup,
tp pg td seyesly wat aku rase x tenteram
nak2 lg pas msg ngan B smlm
n spnjg jog tu
aku baca smula msg2 smlm
smbil dgr mp3..

dlm x sedar,
mate da berair,
nafas da x tentu hala,
lari da bengkang bengkok,
lastly aku benti...
jln slow spnjg pntai
ikot jek mane kaki aku mlangkah
pale otak da jauh mlayang da
ntah ke mane,
aku pon x tau....

dlm mase same,
lagu2 mp3 pon mainkan lagu
sgt kena ngan perasaan aku
pas bace msg2 tu
otak aku kusut
perasaan aku celaru
ati aku berkecamuk
ngan mcm2....

tp deep down
aku dpt rase
ni la dugaan yg Allah bg
bg pd aku,sbb Dia
nk test aku ni insan yg beramal atau pon x
nak uji stakat mane percaye aku pd Dia
n stakat mane aku leh thn ngan dugaan
yg Dia sedikan khas utk aku
n dlm jog pg td
aku dpti dlm idop ni
kalu xde usaha
mmpi xkan jd nyata

tp aku xnk mmpi aku jd nyata
sbb da byk hari aku asik dpt nightmare jek
plak tu pas nightmare tu B cite
bnda yg same dlm mmpi aku
mane x cuak...
so dlm jog pg td,
aku da decide
n aku da tanam dlm2
aku akan kotakan janji aku..
aminnnnnn........

p/s: buat B.....dgn ini, sayaRaja Muhammad Farid selaku "Oni" ingin berjanji.....
I'LL NEVER GIVE UP EITHER GIVE YOU UP..AND I PROMISE,ONE DAY I WILL WIN YOUR HEART AGAIN AS A TRUE FINE MAN,WHICH IS UNDISPUTED BY ANY OTHER MAN.....THAT'S MY PROMISE....